Life requires us to do certain things to maintain our
existence. Like breathing. Ok, that’s kind of obvious. But there are other things we have to do that
may not be life saving, but are equally important to our existence. I’m thinking of the things that our
evolutionary brothers and sisters never had to deal with. Like installing a fan in the living
room. Or digging a trench for irrigation
pipes so the roses don’t wilt. Stuff
like that. We all have to do them at
some point in our lives. They aren’t
essential to our existence, like air or water, but they sure do a lot for
marital harmony. And sometimes, that is
as important as calories and hydration.
But while marital harmony is pretty important, I’ll have to
admit, I have other priorities in mind when I undertake home improvement
projects.
When faced with a household chore, invariably I size up the
work required, assess the amount of “urghs” I have to exert, and ask myself: Is this going to be good for my golf game? Or, will the task cause pain and suffering
such that I might not be able to execute a perfect 7 iron over the lake and on
to a well bunkered green? I mean really,
what else is there to know about removing wallpaper or installing dry
wall? Over the years I’ve found this to
be a thoughtful gatekeeper for whether I should do the project, or whether I
should hire someone and save my putting stroke.
Like the time I removed a cement pond from our
backyard. This was no easy task, believe
me. You see this job required a couple
of hundred swings of a sledgehammer to break up the cement. I then had to load the cement into a
wheelbarrow and haul it out to the street and put it in a dumpster. The way I looked at it, the swinging of the
heavy sledgehammer would add yards to my drives, and the lifting, loading and
pushing of the wheelbarrow would strengthen my lower body to give me more power
from my legs. Once I sized up the job on
those terms, away I went, happily delivering mighty blows to the stubborn
concrete. Oh, it was hard work, don’t
get me wrong. And many times throughout
the hot afternoon I doubted whether I made the right decision. But in the end, this project was good for my
golf game, so I finished it with alacrity.
Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid knew all about this. He taught his pupil the right question to ask
-- would all that painting and waxing help The Karate Kid kick ass at the
karate tournament? Paint the fence? After that job, Daniel-sen could whack some
rich kid with a well-timed shot to the jaw.
Wax on, wax off? Daniel-sen was now prepared to defend against
a powerful punch, frustrating his wealthy opponent. The Karate Kid never would have survived if
he hadn't asked the right question, “Is this going to be good for me when I
have to deliver the one legged flaming dragon kick?” And, of course, the answer was a resounding
“YES”! And Daniel-sen stuck his heal
right into the face of the bully from the other side of the tracks, forever sealing
his reputation at Reseda High School as a mal-culo not to be messed with.
And what did the rich kids have to offer? Sweep the leg. Where
did that come from, kicking little Fi-Fi across the room? The rich kids clearly didn’t know what Mr.
Miyagi and I know.
Now, I’ll admit, I’ve had my share of “Tin Cup” moments when
sizing up a home improvement project.
Like the time I cleaned the rain gutters on my two-story house. Since a ladder couldn’t reach the gutters, I
had to sit on the angled roof and carefully, very carefully lean over and scoop
the leaves out of the gutter. After a couple
of hours, I managed to strain my lower back and hips so bad I couldn’t swing a
club for a month. After that experience,
that project became OB on the home improvement list.
When it comes to home improvement projects, it doesn’t
matter if you are contributing to the holy grail of home ownership, “sweat
equity.” Or, that you are keeping your
husband or wife happy. To hell with that
crap! Your one and only consideration is
always how the project will affect your golf game. Always.
